Grandma's sort of well known for that kind of thing, and has really made something of an art of it over the years. I was mostly exempt from it because I got married when I was 23 and stayed that way till I was 38. But now that I've committed the unpardonable sin of being single for a little more than two years, I'm getting a taste of it. This habit seems to have accelerated since my Pop died a year or so ago, leaving her with nothing to do but harass other people about their marital status. Fortunately, she's charming about it. She started in on me this afternoon when my sister left the table to return to work after regaling us with tales of their honeymoon destination.
Grandma: I really like *your* intended, too, you know.
Me: Grandma, he's not actually my intended. We're not engaged. I'm not getting married.
Grandma: Well, why not?
Me: Grandma, I haven't been divorced that long. I'm going slow. I'm still a little scared.
Grandma: Well, I can understand that after what you've been through.
Me: Yeah. I love T a lot, but we're just taking it slow and doing things right. We're fine the way we are for now.
Grandma (undeterred): Well, I hope you put a wedding together before I die.
Me: What if I just decide to live in sin for the rest of my life? Would that be okay?
Grandma: Oh, I suppose. I might do that myself, you know. I'm lonely.
Me: I can understand that. It's hard to go from being around someone all the time to being alone most of the time.
Grandma: Yes, it is. I never thought I'd want another man, but I'm lonely.
Me: Well, maybe you should date casually instead of shacking up. That way you wouldn't have to give up your space, and yet you could have some companionship.
Grandma: Now that's an idea.
Me: You look great in that sweater, by the way.
Grandma: It'd look better if I had bigger boobs.
Me: I think you look fine with what you have, Grandma.
Grandma: Well bless your heart.
I told my mom I think this would be a good time in Grandma's life to slut it up a bit. She's unattached, and it's not like she needs to worry about an STD. It's time to enjoy herself. Mom looked horrified for the first three seconds, and then appeared to consider the idea favorably.
I mean really. Why not? Go for it, Grandma. And by the way, have another piece of cake.
You're 90. Live a little.
*I made her my milk chocolate cake, which is yummy.
I love it! It reminds me of a time when my little MIL was lonely after Dad passed away. She said, 'Who would be interested in a fat little grandma?' and my SIL answered, 'A grandpa'
ReplyDeleteShe smiled and then became fast friends with a young man from the store where she bought french vanilla cappucinos on her way to work every morning ;)
I think that's great Jen. Life is short. Your Grandma should live life. That's funny that you said she doesn't have to worry about STD's. Haha. She sounds like a very sweet Grandma.
ReplyDeleteJeannie, good story. :)
ReplyDeleteApparently there's a gentlemen who has expressed some interest already. So hell, why not? Ninety-year-olds have needs too.
Rose, she's great. She's at least has dementia, and possibly Alzheimer's, so these things fade in and out, as I'm sure you're aware. She also told me today that she and Pop had been married for 26 years. I said "Hmmm, I thought it was 60." She said "Wow, that's a long time."
ReplyDeleteYes.
Uhhhhhh......I feel like I should say something, but not sure what. At least I started out laughing. I'm glad she's focusing most of her attention and you and your sister's love life, instead of her own. My poor dad must be turning over in his grave.
ReplyDeleteIt's all in her head, really, and we were just joking. And as for my last paragraph, well, I take a pretty tongue-in-cheek tone here, obviously. I guess if the notion of having some romance fills her days instead of seeing Pop's picture moving and relentlessly grieving him, that's not the worst thing ever. She's not actually doing anything about it. In her mental state she's obviously in no condition to be consenting to anything serious, but there's no reason to think she would anyway.
ReplyDeleteWhat a privilege to know your grandma for such a long time Jen.
ReplyDeleteI think you must have the correct genes to become this age in such a good condition.
I have never known one of my grandparents Jen, they all died at a young age. I'm now already 7 years older than they became.
Ha ha, your grandma is still thinking on her appearance, that's a good sign. She's speaking about bigger boobs, I hope she's not considering breast implants. I'm joking of course!:):)
One advise: take your time to consider a marriage. There's no hurry, so you will have the time to know each other more profound and as you know “that's very important”.